Green Party Coup: Winners, Losers & Predictions

Oh the wicked webs we weave!

With Chloe officially pulling out of the race, I’ve seen nuclear meltdowns that are less self mutilating than the current failed Green Party Leadership fiasco!

Is this the dumbest political coup since Todd Muller?

How did Hooton manage to get an entire faction of the Greens to attack their own leader?

If the solution to the Greens botched leadership challenge is Dr Elizabeth Kerekere, I don’t think the Greens have understood what the problem is – Chloe was the ONLY possible leader replacement and even then it was mad – Dr Elizabeth Kerekere as co-leader would be the shortest suicide note in NZ politics!




Matthew Hooton – The manner in which Hooton from behind his paywall has managed to trick an entire faction of the Green Party to turn against their own leader is surely one of the great Jedi Mind tricks of all time! His entry point was knowing that Green Party delegates are middle class enough to be able to afford the Herald Paywall subscription! He breadcrumbed easily manipulated Green Party members into a minefield and then melted away like the CIA at the Bay of Pigs as the coup imploded. Why is he so good at instigating coups in other people’s parties but so shit at doing them inside National?

James Shaw – Came out fighting at his 10am press conferences yesterday in what was the best performance of his life – where has this James Shaw been in the last 5 years? Made a solid defence of his record.

Chloe Swarbrick – Was smart enough to see Hooton was setting her up and didn’t take the bait by removing herself from the race.

Labour – Just picked up whatever is left of the male Green vote.



Green Party Coup Delegates debate the leadership challenge during their Gaia Conference

The Underground Left Green Faction – What the fuck were you doing listening to Hooton? He breadcrumbed you into a minefield and then vanished quicker than his job role in the new Todd Muller National Party! This is on you! You didn’t have Chloe on board at the start, you have no new policy, you hav no new messaging – yes James is a clown, yes Marama is a joke, sure Chloe is the future, but you should never have cut this meaningless deal with Labour in the first place and being so desperate to sacrifice Chloe for your lack of progress is cult level commitment. I shake my head at your poorly executed attempt.

Wellington Whare of Cards 20sided dice Green strategists – You refused to listen to me in 2020 when I said this stupid deal with Labour would harvest a resentment that will destroy your unity, yeah well, eat that bitter harvest up. You should never have signed that bauble driven deal and now you reap what you sow.

Dr Elizabeth Kerekere – Sweet Jesus on a bicycle, in what tortured dimension is Dr Elizabeth Kerekere the solution? The Underground Left Green Faction think she’s the answer? What the hell was the question? What Leadership team could immediately sink the Greens below the 5% threshold? I mean bless, but how arrogant must you be to think this is your time to shine?

Ricardo Menéndez March – He flinched first and fed the fire.

The Green Party – Too many clowns, not enough circus. This madness will drag on for 5 bloody weeks until the vote!

Heteronormative White Cis Males – Knifing the last remaining Heteronormative White Cis Male and casting him out for the non-binary co-leadership model is satire you can’t write.

Environment – James Shaw incrementalism has seen a programme that will tackle Climate Change in 28 years! If you think that’s a solution, you are part of the problem!

Inequality, Children in Poverty and Beneficiaries – Between January and March this year a record 363,888 food grants were handed out on top of a 500% spike in food bank demand. Over the last year 18.4% of children lived in poverty, $5.5 billion in profits were made by ANZ, BNZ, ASB and Westpac and the Top 1% own 25% of wealth while the Bottom 50% owns 2% of wealth. But yay, the Greens are squabbling over a poorly planned coup!

Homelessness – Marama is the Minister with all the responsibility and little of the actual power to change it. Great bauble, pity you can’t house kids in it.

The NZ Political Left – This incompetence reflects poorly on the entire Left and makes us look stupid.



I told these coup plotters that the time for this courage was last year, not 12months out from the next election!

This entire fiasco is on Marama, James and all the 20 sided dice strategist team!

The Greens capitulated their mana for the vacant baubles of Office in a Government they has no power in and what have they to show for that strategic blunder?

Woke bullshit.

I warned the Greens in 2020 that unless they went in hard and demanded transformative change and threatened a civil war with Labour, they would get sweet FA, and they’ve managed to get even less than that!

Greta is right, the real power is protesting outside the conference, not selling out inside the conference!

The Green strategy team are Checkers players trying to play Chess.

Marama’s and James negotiating tactic with Labour after the 2020 election was to get on their knees and beg!

You don’t get nuthin by begging, and they got nuthin..

No policy gains, just a couple of vacant baubles of office.

The Greens repeatedly get screwed over by Labour in a never ending cycle of abuse that started with Helen Clark and you kind of feel like someone should step in and intervene now.

Labour gain the inoculation and political camouflage they want and the Greens get nothin.

Jacinda’s tepid incrementalism will not be challenged by the Greens, it will be supported by them.

As the climate crisis events explode, as welfare reform goes no where, as housing stagnates, as poverty spreads, the Greens will sit alongside Labour like a parasitic twin unable to think for itself let alone change things.

It is rapidly becoming apparent that Labour and the Greens are not the political vehicle for transformative change. With Labour too focused on preventing Covid from exploding in NZ and the Greens now gagged, no forward thinking vision on how to transform things will be articulated.

It’s a Labour + Green supported Government, that gives them 75 seats in a 120 seat Parliament  and yet they STILL CAN’T be transformative?

All the Greens have gained for their hollow Ministerships is collusion with mediocrity plus some identity politics wins.

The Greens don’t know if they are Arthur or Martha and if they did they would need a 6month hui to discuss pronoun use.

Watching Climate Strike For Students Auckland cancel itself recently because of heteronormative cis male privilege sums up the Greens perfectly. A middle class aesthetic for social justice virtue signals tied into woke dogma that believes all white people are cross burning racists, B-E-L-I-E-V-E all women because all men rapists and anyone supporting free speech is a uniform wearing Nazi who hates the Trans community.

The Greens are as alienating as a Spin-off dinner party where everyone is arguing over who hates white men the most.

The Greens are perfect for free the nipple rallies with cycling militant Trans ally mommy bloggers, not so good on the economic neoliberal hegemony.

They’ve spent 5 years harvesting the low hanging fruit of identity politics while doing nothing meaningful on poverty, homelessness or climate change.

Their only hope is Chloe.

Chloe is a unique talent. She speaks with the energy of the new voting generation in a language that empowers and challenges. She is an incredible communicator and if she had the Leadership, she could dominate political debate.

What could be more radical than the youngest Political Leader in NZ History?

Chloe as Leader is a 15% Party. Imagine Jacinda as Prime Minister with Chloe as Deputy.

To be politically relevant, the Greens need to be needed by Labour. To do that they need to take Labour voters.

Chloe can do that. Marama and James can’t, but this was all decisions that needed to be made and implemented 12 months ago, not attempted with no new policy, no new vision and no new mandate!

Chloe is the future but the manner in which Hooton has tricked the factions to attempt a coup now would have sabotaged her before she was ready! Why allow her to burn her political capital and bleed out at the ballot box with a risky coup now?

Meanwhile the planet burns, inequality gets worse, poverty deepens, an entire generation is locked out of home ownership!

The last chance for Left progressive policy is a list of bottom line first 100 day laws in the 2023 election to force Labour into being more Bernie Sanders than cautious Grant and Jacinda are confident to attempt.

Here’s what a Labour/Green/Maori Party Government should be committed to passing in the first 100 days of the 2023 election…

1: Feed every kid in NZ a free nutritious and healthy breakfast and lunch at every school using local product and school gardens with parents paid to come in and help. The slow incrementalism touted by favourite public sector for dragger apologist Max Rashbrooke isn’t good enough because the lower middle classes are feeling the same pinch thanks to mortgage rises and universal school lunches and breakfasts would help them as well. 

2: 50 000 State Homes for life built using the best environmental and social architecture standards using the public works act to seize land and immediately start building satellite towns using upgraded public transport hubs plus Renter Rights – (rent freezes, end accomodation payments, long term tenancy arrangements) 

3: Free public transport plus vast infrastructure upgrade for climate crisis.

4: 30% stake holder in a new Government backed supermarket operation run to provide lower food prices for kiwism better prices for supplies and better conditions for workers.

5: GST off fresh fruit and vegetables and essentials like tampons, toilet paper, condoms, oral health plus a sugar tax.

6: Free Dental services for everyone through public health.

7: Fair Pay Agreements that allow unionisation and real collective bargaining power for workers outside the tiny public service clique they currently cover.

8: Taxation focused on corporations and banks  like financial transaction taxand first $20 000.

9: Offer nurses, teachers and Drs free education and living allowances in return for bonded time in our health and eduction systems. 

10: Properly funded public broadcasting with TVNZ advert free and merged with RNZ alongside properly funded journalism through NZ on Air with more money for the Arts and Science. If you can’t have good public journalism, the right wing media will destroy these other 9 advances. 

…Kiwis have to see a progressive Government ACTUALLY doing shit in the first 100 days or they won’t believe any change is coming and when you consider the economic maelstrom we are entering, the most vulnerable amongst us will be screaming for real change.

If we on the Left don’t offer voters real solutions to their material problems and instead prefer to micro aggression police the latest middle class virtue signals of hate speech, cancelling Comedians and screaming everyone is racist, we are fucked politically in 2023.

We need more real economic solutions on the Left and far less pronoun policing.

We need to be kinder to individuals and crueller to Corporations.

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