Cabinet Reshuffle: Winners, Losers & Predictions

Jacinda desperately needed a Cabinet reshuffle – her talent pool had become a puddle!

Months of incompetence from Poto Williams, Chris Faafoi checking out since 2016, Trevor Mallard provoking riots on Parliament’s Lawns (and never being held accountable) and Nanaia just existing was enough to spark furious backlash. The reshuffle is a smart response that accentuates the positive while eliminating the negative.

There are of course winners and losers.



Jacinda & Labour: The final Cabinet mix is clever politics internally and externally and is a reminder to all those political pundits and right wing trolls who are all now convinced Labour has lost the next election that Jacinda has extra gears she can go to when stepping up. She has removed her most problematic MPs and bolstered support from a wider variety of factions into Cabinet.

Trevor Mallard: It’s just un-fucking-believable! He provoked the riots on Parliament Lawns, radicalised 10 000 and has overseen a rapid inflation of the Police State to crack down on the domestic terrorism he has inspired and he won’t be held accountable for any of it!  Labour are so frightened of all the bodies he’s buried that they will send him to Ireland, the other side of the planet, to ‘reward’ him. If Jacinda could have sent him to the moon, she would have. If an act of political violence doesn’t occur before the 2023 election (and I think thanks to Trev that’s 50-50), let’s remember how Trev planted that seed.

Michael Wood: He is going to be Leader of Labour when Jacinda moves to the UN and his pairing of immigration and labour relations is the perfect combo for a future Prime Minister. A star performer who deserves the recognition.

Chris Faafoi: He is just so happy to be going. He checked out in 2016 and never came back to work. We’ll miss the panic in his eyes when trying to explain the Hate Speech Legislation, the NZ on Air Journalism Fund fiasco and the excruciating pain of being Immigration Minister over Covid. Known as ‘The Blocker’ Chris was put into a Ministry when Labour wanted nothing done, and Chris has excelled at this. His chumminess has managed to do nothing in 5 years without anyone really noticing. He has deserved his rest.

Indian-NZ Electorate: The appointment of Priyanca Radhakrishnan  is a boon for the very large and powerful Indian-NZ Electorate who have been sidelined for a more muscular Māori Cabinet.

Public Broadcasting: The appointment of a broadcaster like Willie Jackson to means the end user will be at the forefront of KPIs. Expect some interesting new outcomes with the TVNZ/RNZ merger.

Police: The fundamental problem with the exploding gang war is an in internal turf war inside Police over intelligence. Currently the GCSB and SIS are intercepting communications between the 501s and their South American Cartel meth suppliers. The NSA very much want any intel on the Cartels, so NZ is sending its intel up the chain of command, it’s not being sent down to local cops here to use against the 501s. The current drift net approach by Police who have used 750 warrantless searches against the gangs over the last couple of months is a fishing expedition because Police have zero intel on who they should be pressuring. Hipkins knows well the internal turf wars of various Bureaucracies and I think we will see the GCSB and SIS forced to share their intel with the Police Intelligence and Organised Crime units which in tern will give them far better tools to deal to the gangs.

Kiri Allen: She is one of the greatest up and coming talents in NZ Politics. Woke AF but still very brilliant. A bit like Chloe Swarbrick.

Kieran McAnulty and regional NZ: He is the great hope to calm regional NZ over 3 Waters, apparently Ute driving men from the provinces only listen to other men who drive Utes.

Nanaia Mahuta: Despite the ocean of criticism, she has held onto both 3 waters and Foreign Affairs, that shows the power of the Māori Caucus and their focus on getting these water reforms through.



Free Speech: The Faff couldn’t give a fuck about Hate Speech reform, it was a vote losing madness to begin with which only empowered ACT and he did sweet fuck all on progressing anything on his watch. Kiri Allan on the other hand is woke AF and her desire to pass vast new restrictions on speech are a deep drive within her heart. The new Minister will need to be talked down from her desire to burn books and arrest people for saying things she doesn’t agree with. The argument will be made to her that she can pass it all after the 2023 election because attempting to ram Hate Speech through before the election will be disastrous. It’s far better Labour strangle free speech off in the shadows of the post election rather than in the spotlight before the next election.

National: The Cabinet reshuffle moves all the biggest targets off the playing field leaving National to just bitch and whine about problems Labour have already amputated.

Poto Williams: She never looked confident in media interviews and when gang shootings and crime are so evident, her lack of strength made her look weak. Had to go.

NZ Herald: These pricks just couldn’t help themselves and managed to dredge up Willie’s Roast Busters issue from Radio Live that is now almost decade old. NZ Herald managed to out-woke Stuff on this, which is extraordinary because Stuff are so woke they never sleep!  It funnily reminded everyone how Poto Williams attempted to destroy Jackson at the time with her letter that was signed by all these concerned Labour wankers. I wonder where that Letter ended up? I mean you could use it as a template for revenge couldn’t you?



Police: Chippy will quietly force the GCSB and SIS to hand over intel to the Police to stop the 501s while keeping the fact they are doing that out of the media because once the sleepy hobbits of muddle Nu Zilind work out that our spies are more interested in sucking up to America with this intelligence rather than passing it along for locals police to protect us from meth, they are going to lose their shit!

China: The case the Faff was handling which was driving so much International concern is now in the hands of Mic hall Wood who is far more compassionate and expect China to get very angry with the new minister if he changes his mind on sending Chinese nationals back to China.

Helen Clark: Smart money would be to create a new ‘Pacific Ambassador’ role which and appoint Helen Clark to it

Free Speech meltdown: The Faff’s nickname was ‘The Blocker’ and he was put into positions where you wanted nothing to happen. He was left with the Hate Speech laws under the clear understanding nothing was to ever progress with it. Kiri Allen however is Woke AF and her default position is burn cracker, a default position I agree with usually, but the Hate Speech pandoras box will trigger enormous voter backlash so expect that to come roaring back as an issue in a political landscape already mutated by extremism if the new Minister can’t be convinced to do it until after the 2023 election.


Labour’s Cabinet reshuffle is politically very clever and manages to work for Labour’s internal dynamics and external pressures. It’s bold, nuanced and smart. I certainly think it will hold together but the reality is the next 12 months are going to be economically damaging and National’s tax cut solutions will look as pathetic as Labour’s $27 for 13 weeks cost of living subsidy. Voters will be terrified by the enormity of the next economic depression and it will feel like a crisis and people will be deciding can Jacinda and Grant look after them better or can Christopher Luxon and far right kneecapper David Seymour look after them better.


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