20 years of LOTR, its biggest plot failure & the present day torture of MIQ diaspora

Lord of the Rings cast pull off 20-year reunion surprise

One rap to rule them all.

The Lord of the Rings cast reunited on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert in the most surprising way – with a special hip-hop tribute.

The talk show host introduced the segment by declaring his Rings superfan status and insisting the cast should have been given a proper reunion as they near the 20-year anniversary of the release of The Fellowship of the Ring.

“It was 20 years ago this Sunday that this movie kicked off my favourite film series of all time,” Colbert told the audience.

I always felt that Peter Jackson left out the best part of our taxpayer funded Aryan fantasy documentary ‘Lord Of The Rings’ when he cut the ‘Scouring of the Shire’ where Frodo returns home to find the very evil he had fought to protect the Shire from had already settled in.

In this ending of LOTR, Tolkien expressed the deepest fears of those fighting in World War 1, that they would return home from this hatred and violence only to find that hatred and violence had already poisoned the home they were fighting for.

In short, homecomings can be complicated.

New Zealand never really ever mentions its diaspora. Jacinda proudly refers to us as the team of 5 million, but there’s another million NZers who fled Godsown whom we barely ever mention.

That’s 20% of us we pretend not to notice not being here. Empty chairs at Christmas, a curt nod and a wink to big ‘OEs’ that never ended.

And why wouldn’t you escape the clique clutch of NuZilinders if you had the talent to run?

The ‘Kiwi way of life’ is a low imagination horizon anti intellectualism based on exploitation of confiscated indigenous resources where ignorance & malice is celebrated by the rural volk while middle class attention is engulfed between school rankings, property speculation, & self-righteously retweeting Spinoff stories on social media.

Who the fuck wouldn’t want to escape such twee small mindedness when the cosmopolitan curvature of the globe is so brazenly flirting?

And the wheat separates from the chaff as it has always been.

Except now.

A new emergent trend from the Covid world is the sudden home coming for the NZ diaspora who see the intense cosmopolitan masses as fuel for plague, not globalised chic.

Returning to the land of the wrong white crowd, to clamber aboard the lifeboat of the gauche, to resettle alongside the unsophisticated and the the socially awkward who resent you for leaving Godsown in the first place will be a cultural friction waiting to erupt.

Returning Kiwis will resent any restrictions making their homecoming more difficult while locals will quickly start blaming the lack of affordable homes and the returning gridlock of infrastructure on these returning Kiwis who turned their backs on us to make their fortunes but who came running home when it wasn’t safe.

The only saving grace from the cultural frictions we are about to plunge into is Māori culture of whanau and Manaakitanga. Their cultural leadership is the only thing that will bridge this looming divide.

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